Monday, December 21, 2009

Far and Wide

I am sitting here at the rooftop....exteremely chilly Banglore wind with drizzling in my hair...I cant stop thinking about the year gone by. 1 year 5 cities and still counting. You can count the number of days left before the sun sets on 2009. Off late i have started feeling that travelling has a healing effect on me. September 2009 when i was trying to gather my life together, pick up pieces and move on i landed in Pune another anazing place i will never forget. I didnt know the place..just got out of the airport and started wandering, did that for 4 days, visiting ashrams, temples, malls nowhere and everywhere with no direction and aimless and then finally something inside me told me it was time to go back home. Before that i did the same in Chennai which had beocme my home for the past 2 years..I had comfortbly settled in and then as fate would have it..it was time to move.

October was a time when I had absolutely nothing to do. Nothingness apart from other things was driving me crazy so again I packed my bags and started this time it was Jaipur. Sometime in life you need to be alone so tha you can get back to the crowd. so many days in Jaipur and so many in Ajmer I was still not satisfied. I wanted to be tired, wanted to feel the bone tiring fatigue which will make you forget everything, I wished to pack my bags and leave for a place i had never been before and didnt want to tell my whereabouts to anyone. I wanted to know how it feels to be invisible or maybe unidentified in a sea of people. Its as if deliberately i wanted to be miserable..I had heard it from someone that the only way to distract yourself from your pain is to hurt yourself somewhere else so that you forget about the first wound and worry about the second. So maybe thats what I want to do. Be unknown in a place far away from home and away from all those who love me so that I lead a life completely devoid of the emotions of love and affection.

I dont know when will this wanderlust stop. 21st December 2009 is Bangalore, 23rd Dec 2009 it will be Chennai and then back to Delhi. Chennai, Bangalore, Pune, Jaipur, Ajmer and I still want to go somewhere else because I cant stop myself from wandering. Somehow my own city doesnt seem like home anymore and I dont know why.. I dont know where this will take me and where it will end.

Sitting at a secluded spot at the Kottivakkam beach I felt more at home than I feel everyday commuting from Delhi to Noida in the superplush Delhi Metro. I dont know if I will feel at home ever again and when

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